Ross and Lorraine wedding
I had hoped to sort out photos and stuff but I figured that by the time I get around to doing that properly the wedding will be months ago…
Saturday 16th July 2005. The day that for some reason that escapes me Lorraine finally married Mr Biddle. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned I was one of the best men along with Steve and Rich (yes, he had 3 best men). You’ll have to wait for photos of the best men - more photoshop work required before they are fit for public consumption (how many chins??).
Anyway, day started with a dash around kent to deposit bags and obtain hotel keys. Nice lunch at the hotel before realising “Oh shit, we have an hour to get suited up and get to Biddle mansions”. Frantic dressing followed by realisation that none of use knew how the hell to tie a cravat. Word of advice, if you need to tie a cravat *do not* rely on instructions printed from the internet (pass through the loop?? What sodding loop?). Anyway, we all decide that if we all tie it the same we can convince people that *we* are correct and that they are not. Sorted.
Get to Biddle mansions and the vintage Alvis that I am meant to be driving is fine but the brides caar has a puncture. Argggggghhh. Frantic wheel changing and it appears to be fine. With half an hour to go we decide “it’ll do”.
So I load up the car with the bridesmaids the bridesmaids(who have already been given the names of thingy, whatsit and jailbait due the complete failure of any of the best men to remember their names and the deceptive looks of the 15yr old one) and head off to the church. Driving a vintage car for the first time ever when loaded with bridesmaids and already late for church is not a great idea. Sweating buckets in a bleeding great penguin suit doesn’t help either. I ignore the multitude of knobs and levers on the steering wheel and dashboard and just floor it in second. It’ll do (I also ignore the comments about the vibrations from Jailbait - too much concentration required for smutty comments). We are soon at the church without hitting anything. Splendid.
Anyway, into the church hymn blah hymn blah shit I have to do the reading. Get through the reading ok despite ross laughing at the “When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me” bit (what is he suggesting??). Vicar then rattles through the actual wedding at about the same rate he rattled through the rehearsal. He must have been on piece work or something. Anyway, the couple finally emerge to mutterings of “oh my god, what has she done this time” etc etc
I think this is the point were as best man I am meant to point out that the bride looked beautiful: Lorraine, you looked wonderful. Ross, you looked terrifying. Probably just as well there were no kids there.
Back into the scary car and we trundle back to the house (got third this time….and reverse but that was more of a surprise). Back at the house we have a couple of gallons of pimms and then Lee cracks open the landy which still contains the remains of the stag weekend beers. Splendid. A couple of beers before dinner. perfect. Grub is served (and is great). Eat tiramsu till I feel sick. Wash down with more beer. Speeches are cool. Lorraines dad sounded really chocked. Steve performed the best man speech in a fine manner - just the right length, just the right amount of compliments to the bride and plenty of put downs for Ross. Hell, even good old Roy got a mention ;-). Lorraine got presented with a loverly Tshirt with a wonderful photo of her husband complete with snot dribbles and everything. At about this point Jenny vanished only to return minus posh frock. This generated possibly the quote of the day: “I changed in the car as I was worried my norks would fall out”. Shame. We could have done with some entertainment while the band were setting up.
Harry and the Monks were splendid as usual. Richmond proved that some drummers do have musical talents beyond hitting things by playing bass. Guess it must be those freakish spindly fingers.
All in all, a great day. Hot and very sweaty yes, but great in all other ways.
Finally, this was the first time I had met Lorraines brother, Tim (he is in the navy - not just wearing a sailors uniform for a kick). Would you trust our country to this man? Would you trust him with your nan? Would you trust him with your wife? Looks like Justine trusted him just a little more than most that night (you two can stop dancing now - the band have all gone for a beer). Having heard his dwarf story I’m not sure I’d trust him with anything 
And now, I think I’ll sleep…
