Well, I survived Birmingham…
Well, I returned. Seems I missed loads of snow while I was in Brum as well. Not a lot fell there at all.
Conference was not bad. Bit erratic at times but thats always the case with the first. It’ll settle down soon. A few suggestions that I should present a paper on our new email system next year. Tempted but I think I’ll wait to see if we can get it to run for more than a couple of days before committing myself 
The Paragon Hotel was ok. The conference facilities were pretty good - the rooms less so. Some interesting reviews that I didn’t see before we went The fact that it was built in 1903 to house homeless people explains the small rooms and the asylum feeling of the corridors I guess! Still, apart from the kettle in my room not working (they fixed that), a broken shower that meant it was touch and go whether you got brained by the shower head (I couldn’t be arsed to mention that) and the fact that someone had pinched my TV remote (they couldn’t find it either) it was functional. Food was pretty good - anywhere that has an unlimited hot buffet with hash browns for breakfast gets my vote. Bar was shite and expensive but then I kinda expect that.
The one thing that isn’t mentioned on their website but does come across in some of the reviews is the “interesting” location. It is a 10 min stroll from the centre of Birmingham which is good. However, it is in the middle of the Irish part of town. It is surrounded by derelict old warehouses and industry. BNP slogans on several of the walls and plenty of warning posters from the police help make it feel like a nice friendly part of town. Bunnies bunny shack and the Asmterdam XXXX superstore complete the general look and feel. Posh it isn’t… Local pubs where a little lacking as well. The only one that appeared to have a full set of windows intact was The Anchor which despite us walking past it many times at all sorts of times of the day was never actually open.
Conference dinner was a bit of a disaster. We were all meant to be paying seperately and despite us all having different bills the waitress helpfully divided up the bill (£1300 quid ish) between us all. She added 10% and it came to £23.70 or something. Anyway, we just wanted to get to the pub so we all agreed we would chuck in 25 quid. This should have meant that they were 250 quid over - hell of a tip (remember, they had already added 10% ) but we couldn’t be arsed to do anything else. Anyway, on their first count they decided that we were 40 quid short instead of 200 odd quid over. We requested a recount and they decided that we were 70 quid short. After nearly an hour of this we get so pissed of with them not being able to count that we all leave. Despite their claims that we can’t leave as we haven’t paid it soon becomes apparant that 55 of us against 6 of them is never going to work and we leave The next day at the hotel it is claimed that they were 60 quid short. Maybe if they could count it would help. Still, if I’m now banned from every Las Iguanas in the country then no great loss - the food wasn’t great anyway :-).
Trip home was also interesting. We get to Birmingham new street to get the 1400 train to Euston only to find that it had been cancelled. As had the 1430… After a couple of minutes note that the 13:30 is still listed (its 13:40ish by now) and has the status of “technician attending” or something similar. Anyway, after waiting ten mins on the platform for the technician to finish fiddling they decided that the train would have to be cancelled “due to lack of toilet facilities”. They then annouce that the 1400 train will not be coming to Brimingham as they are turning it around at Birmingham international so that it can return to london on time. Mad rush onto some tiny little Central train as we are off to The airport. A little cosy on the train as 2.5 HSTs worth of passengers cram onto the local Northhampton service
Get to the Airport and yep, there is the train. We leave on time and Virgin hit another target - good eh? Spend sometime in London with a friend - got to keep in touch with people with real jobs as I never know when I will want one A few pints in one of the gems of the Charing X area of the city (if you are in london and you drink real beer than visit - it’s grand) and I wobble off to get the 2100 from Ch X to Folkestone West. 5 mins to the hour and still no platform allocated and despite the ticket guy insisting that it was on time I take a gamble and leap on a train to London Bridge. Get to london bridge and lo and behold, there is the train. For the second time in the day my train has been terminated early so that it can be turned around and get to its final destination on time. Exactly the same happened the last time I was in london as well. Bastards.
Still, at least the journey home was faintly amusing. It seems that the train driver thought that he had left the gaurd at london bridge. This started with a few announcements on the train along the lines of “Would the guard please contract the driver”. A few minutes later we get “Can the guard get in touch with me *now*” and after 30 mins of so ending with “Has anyone seen the guard? Did anyone see him on the platform at london bridge?” While passengers started to discuss how exactly we could tell the driver the answer to this question we got the best of the night:
“If anyone on this train can see anyone who looks like my train guard can you please tell him to get his finger out and ring me immediately. Cheers”. I’m not sure he ever was found. Certainly no one bothered to check my ticket.
